Sunday, December 12, 2010

2010's Ten Best Running Sports Jokes

The best part about a joke, particularly the kind of joke that enjoyed by you at the expense of someone else, is that it is not meant to be a joke.

Some of 2010’s most enjoyable sports moments were completely unintentional; others borne out of the silliness that is the sports life.


If you thought watching the World Cup in a bar got you some peace, forget it.

1. Vuvuzelas.

Nobody in the world had any idea what “vuvuzela” meant until spectators and commentators alike started complaining about the constant buzz from these horns throughout the game.

Annoyed TV pundits suggested everything from quieter horns to horns that sound less buzzy and more like real horns (maybe “hornier” horns), to the idea that maybe more goals scored would shut these fans and their horns up. Fat chance. But at least you can now pronounce vuvuzela. Hopefully.



2. The Chicago Bears stink, but are good.

Now in pole position to clinch the NFC North, questions have lingered for over a year whether Jay Cutler is as good as they say or just a primadonna with an occasionally accurate arm.

Then, there were questions about whether the Bears’ offensive line could play in keeping with the NFL’s rumored under-the-table policy of protecting quarterbacks from getting clobbered. But after eeking out wins against their division rivals and beating the Eagles and an early-season Cowboys team at home, it seems that Lovie Smith may be asked to come back. Likewise, Cutler is playing his team to their potential, and the Bears will start to be taken seriously so long as they make it to the playoffs without getting embarrassed.


3. Brett Favre’s phone antics

There’s not much new news here, but since I wrote last winter about how great Brett Favre is an how everyone lives him, maybe I should have taken a cue from “There’s Something About Mary” a film from ten years ago that placed Favre in a bit part as the some time on-and-off boyfriend of a beautiful blonde who kept referring to a mysterious man named just “Brett”. Then again, that was back before we could text and take dirty pics on our cell phones.

We all know what he did, with texts and pictures (allegedly) to a woman who worked for the New York Jets while he was there as starting QB. The sports pundits keep beating the scandal of it to death, but what most of us, those who have followed pro sports and (by default) pro sports celebrities for years, found surprising is that Favre was actually stupid enough to take part in this sort of activity.


4. England’s goalkeeper, Robert Green

Actually a decent goalie in the English League, Green, the #1 at West Ham United, makes the blunder of a lifetime as he mishandles a weak, slow tip of the boot of USA’s Clint Dempsey, which evens the score to 1-1.
"Oh, Crap !" and the goal that really shouldn't have gone in.

Somehow, after floundering around against Algeria in a drab 0-0 tie, England advances to the next round before self-destructing against Germany, who beat them 4-1.

And just to top himself, Green did it again, yesterday, on December 11th against Man City in front of his home crowd.


5. The New York Yankees choke, again.

You have to give the Texas Rangers credit for being a good team, motivated by a great coach, who focused them and took the Rangers to the next level in reaching the World Series.


But with a $206 million payroll and an average Yankee salary at $3 million above the median, one might expect the Yankees to make the ALCS more of a series then they did.
But like most non-Yankee fans, I am actually glad they didn’t.



6. Danica Puts Her Foot in Her Mouth Instead of on the Accelerator

Danica Patrick probably gets more scrutiny, unfairly, than the average racing talent because she is after all the only woman out there. But she should have known better, in such a skeptical, male-dominated environment, than to criticize her car, criticize her techs &track crew, and let it get out to the public.

Her first NASCAR start, also in 2010, was marred by a 12 car accident, and she’s continued to have some growing pains with NASCAR, posting unimpressive finishes.

Not surprising, some NASCAR folk complained that Patrick’s low body weight, as a petite and fit woman, could give her an unfair advantage. But with her talent still there, let’s hope it was only a few ignorant boos and media noise that took her off track a bit in 2010.


7. Ben Roethlisberger is done being an idiot.

A year after winning his second Super Bowl, Big Ben got himself into some Kobe Bryant style media trouble. Last time he won a Super Bowl, he only jeopardized his entire career and livelihood by falling off a motorcycle without a license or a helmet.

Along with being suspended four games without pay, Big Ben was sentenced to undertake an NFL “professional behavior evaluation”. Better yet, Roethlisberger was recently lampooned on South Park’s episode entitled “Sexual Healing”.


8. Arena Football, not an April Fools joke. Nor the USFL either.

Arena Football re-launched itself on April Fools Day, but it was not a joke. However, their choice of the day to make their official announcement might call their thought process into question.


Rejoice! The Boston/Portland/New Orleans Breakers are back!

But, as a consolation, the USFL, known for it’s corrupt sounding team names like the Gunslingers, the Maulers, the Bandits, and the Outlaws, heralded its own return too. The USFL’s last announcement (which can be found at http://www.thenewusfl.com/ ) was that they are back, but not til 2012, if then.


9. The Dallas Cowboys going nowhere at 1 and 7.

The Cowboys were looking good at the top of the power rankings and average fans like me who don’t root for the Cowboys were bracing for Tony Romo and company to light the NFL on fire, and make it miserable for all of us.

The Cowboys still have a ton of talent on the team, but forgot one important ingredient to a Super Bowl run. That ingredient: WINNING GAMES. The Cowboys won one of their first eight games and saw long time Coach Wade Phillips tossed out into the parking lot with his belongings.

But with a new coach and Cowboys legend Don Meredith in Heaven, maybe the Cowboys can save some face and play somewhere near their abilities, if it behooves them.


I took this photo during halftime of the England / Germany game. And this sums it all up.



10. Mayweather ducks Pacman, Dances with the Stars.

Seasoned boxer and sometime champion, Floyd Mayweather, Jr., spent the entirety of 2010 and some months before this year ducking Manny “Pacman” Pacquaio.

His reasoning could be sound, given that many pro boxing experts consider the undefeated Pacman the best fighter pound for pound in the history of the sport. However, Mayweather blames Pacman’s camp for not being able to come to a deal.

And besides, as evidence of his participation in Dancing with the Stars, he’s a currently working on his showboating and salsa moves.


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Andy Frye writes about sports and life a couple times a month here, and tweets throughout the day on Twitter at @MySportsComplex.

Besides that, he’s a very busy dancer as well.



Written words © 2010. Breakers helmet pic courtesy of The New USFL, and pic of Green courtesy of cnn.com